Are you the partner of a control freak?
Is he or she a controlling personality who likes to get their own way and ignores your own personal feelings?
Maybe you are not too sure about it and need a little help to decide. So here’s few questions you need to ask yourself to help you find out if you are in the powerful grip of a control freak…
Detecting A Control Freak
Is this you?
- Do you have problems with your spouse or partner being bossy and domineering?
- Do you feel that they verbally and mentally bully you into submission?
- Do they have to have the last say in everything and refuse to listen to your point of view?
- Do they sulk and pout and generally make your life miserable until you give in to them?
- Do they control the finances and decide on what or what not to buy?
- There’s a lack of mutual respect between the two of you?
- Tempers and defensiveness make it impossible to discuss problems?
If you answered yes to all the above then you are probably living with a control freak. Control freaks are very difficult to live with as they won’t compromise because that means they are losing control of the situation. They use words as weapons to mentally bully you into submission and make you feel so bad that you take the easy way out every time just for an easy life. At times it gets so impossible to put up with their behaviour you might end up asking yourself “should I just leave them?”.
Of course, it’s quite natural to want control of your own life but not to the extent of controlling everyone around you into the bargain. People who exhibit controlling behaviour patterns in a relationship have a personality disorder caused by their own feelings of anxiety and vulnerability.
The control freak makes sure that everyone close to him knows that he must get his way or else. He will tolerate no disagreement, different points of view, or criticism. His spiteful side is always close to the surface ready to explode if anyone has the nerve to challenge to his authority.
A control freak may be highly sociable with strangers but people who really know him sense the aggression that lurks beneath the surface and give in to his demands just to avoid conflict.
The underlying sense of aggression means that no one dares to confront him, even when it is obvious he is in the wrong. Thus, he imposes his will in the relationship no matter what the consequences, good or bad.
Control freaks are highly manipulative, cunning, intimidating, and skilled at debate and masters at distorting the real truth in a given situation.They will resort to almost anything to get their own way no matter how wrong and illogical it may be.They simply have to be in control to feel good about themselves.
Being in control of every situation is their way of protecting themselves but they take it to such extremes that it affects everyone around them including their own partners and family. Certain types of control freaks not only have to control the situation but also have to mentally bully you into submission in order for them to feel better about themselves. They use their anger as a weapon if they can’t get their own way.
It is not easy dealing with an angry controlling spouse like this. Your humiliation and weakness empowers them. Your own self-esteem can be so affected by their bullying nature that sometimes the only solution is to walk out the door and start a new life without them.
Trying to change someone who has a domineering personality is a virtually impossible task as they don’t see things like most other people.
Everything they do is geared to their own needs and woe betide anyone who tries to stop them getting what they want. They are like a spoilt child who never really grew up.
If you are under the thumb of someone like this and they refuse to change then you have to decide whether or not you should leave them.
Unfortunately, when things are so bad, you might have to do this for the sake of your own mental health.
Suffering in silence is no solution to handling a control freak; they will treat you with the scorn that you deserve for being so weak towards them.
by Anthony Bradley